Below is a link to some voicemails that I received today. If you have been reading my blog then you know I am a property manager and I have brothers in the military. My phone had turned itself off. When I turned it back on, my Marine brother had left me 6 hilarious voicemails. Enjoy. PS. WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK.
CLICK HERE TO VIEW
Friday, March 13, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Oh....My Bust
If you have read my other blogs, then you know what I do for a living. If not, here is a short recap. I own a property management company. Some of my properties are in a very run down part of my fair city and lets just say....active. **Please note that the names of some of the individuals involved have been changed to protect...well who knows.**
The weather for the past 2 weeks have been beautiful here in Richmond, Kentucky. Plants are starting to sprout from the ground, trees are budding, birds are singing, drug dealing down on Turpin is booming. This also means that I am either calling the police or running around like a headless chicken.
Last week, which was the first of the month, I decided that I was tired of chasing down everyone for their rent. I opened a PO Box at our local UPS store so my tenants could just drop their rent off at a central location. This required me to make a flyer, explaining in great detail where, what, how, and why they need to use this box. The second step in this endeavour required me to take the flyer's and deliver them to each and every tenant on the street and answer any questions about this new procedure. While passing out said flyers all hell broke loose.
As I approached one of my buildings, I noticed a black car that was involved in an incident the week before. That incident is sooo recockulous, (because it goes beyond ridiculous) that it absolutely does not deserve to be retold. I walked up the rusty metal stairs of one of the buildings and knocked on the door of "Tenant Smoothy". The door flies open and this guy, who was not the tenant, just stares at me. I cleared my throat and explained to the gentleman who I was and that he needed to give this flyer to "Tenant Smoothy". He snatched the flyer out of my hand and slammed the door in my face. I thought...yep, here we go. Since I didn't recognize the very welcoming and warm gentleman, I decided to go down to the apartment below and ask that tenant if he knew who the other guy was. The tenant that I was asking this information has lived on the street for 12 years and knows everybody and everything. I like to call him the "The Wiki of Turpin Dr." I step into "Wiki"'s apartment for the information exchange. He had never seen that guy before. That started to worry me a bit. All of the sudden "Wiki"'s ceiling starts rumbling, the fixtures begin to shake, screaming and yelling can be heard from the apartment above. I peeked my head out of the door and looked at the balcony above. I couldn't see anything but there was a hellacious fight going on. I immediately grabbed my phone and called the good ole Police. The dispatcher asks me how many people are there and I reply, "I am assuming more than one." She then asks me if they are armed. I reply, "I am sorry, I didn't have a chance to ask them nor do I plan to. All I know is that its a big fight, probably over drugs and it would be wise for you all to get down here before someone gets shot." She tells me they will send a unit. Now I know what you are thinking, "Damn...did you have to be such a smart ass to the police?" Let me explain...if its on Turpin...they don't take it seriously. Therefore, my attitude towards the police department.
Well hell, "Tenant Smoothy" pulls up and gets out of a car. He looks upstairs, then looks at me. I yell, "WTF is goin on?" He replies, "I don't know," and takes off running up the stairs. A few minutes pass and 4 cruisers pull up. Now at this point, "Wiki" and I are giggling like 2 little kids. Two of the officers go up to the apartment where the altercation was taking place and two stayed down on the ground. I recognized one of the police officers as one who had worked with my dad before he retired from the PD. He looked at me and gave me that "Whasup" head nod. I just smiled back.
One of the younger cops, who I will call, "Officer Needstogetagrip", comes down from the apartment upstairs with the flyer snatcher, door slammer. That guy has a huge whelp on the side of his head and his chin was split. I glanced over to "Wiki" and said "DAMN." "Wiki" giggled and replied, "HA HA HA asshole got his ass whooped." The officers proceeded to do the field sobriety test. Then, "Officer Needstogetagrip" comes over to me and asks if I saw who "whooped him". I stated to the officer that I didn't see the fight...that I heard it. Then one of the kids playing in the street yells, "THERE IS SOMEONE CLIMBIN OUT OF THE WINDOW!!!" So the cops take off behind the building. I peek my head around the corner and see this black gentlemen, pants hanging down, boxers exposed, running like he was qualifying for the Drug Running Olympics. The cops are running around like Keystone Cops. Needless to say...they didn't catch him.
Then this crazy woman, who likes to stand out on the street and preach, and also calls me the right hand of Satan because I house these people, pulls up and gets out of her car and walks over to the insanity. I am thinking, "Oh this is perfect". She starts yelling some sort of religious crap and yelling at "Tenant Smoothy". Apparently crazy woman is "Tenant Smoothy's" baby's momma and heard on her police scanner that the police were at his house. She decided to come check it out.
I yelled at her to get in her car and go home. She turns around and yells, "GOD BLESS YA." Over and over as she gets in her car and leaves. "Officer Needstogetagrip" totally ignores me when I try to tell him that the black car, that was involved in the incident a week before was around right before they pulled up. So I decided to tell the older officer, the one that used to work with dad, about it.
So the crowd that has gathered stated to disperse. I walked across the street to continue handing out my flyers. A couple of the officers were still around. "Officer Needstogetagrip" approached me and said, "You need to get into your fucking car and leave." I was taken back a bit and replied, "Excuse me?" He said, "You are wandering around here meddling in every ones business and you need to leave." Well that got my blood boiling. I looked at him dead in the eye and said, "Listen, I am the fucking Property Manager. It is my business to meddle in other peoples business." Then the older officer tells him to back off.
Now I had to tell you that story to tell you this one.
"Tenant Smoothy" assured me that he dropped off his rent at the UPS store. Well my husband happens to work there as his second job. I called my husband and he tells me that no one has dropped anything off in the past 2 days. So "Tenant Smoothy" is lying to me. I decided that I need to confront him. I drove down to the properties and saw 4 cars and 5 or 6 people, including "Tenant Smoothy" standing around. I then witnessed 2 cars pull up and little white baggies and money exchange hands. So I called the police. They drove by and then kept driving. They didn't stop. Well I am not a complete idiot and I am pretty sure that I am not bulletproof. I decided that I will call my dad and ask him to come with me to confront this guy. He said that he would meet me down there. Dad pulls up and I hopped into his truck and we proceeded to head down the street. Dad asks me, "Now who is the guy that we need to confront?" All I got out was "Tenant Smoothy"'s first name and dad completed the last name. He stopped the truck and looked over at me and said, "Jessica why in the hell did you rent to him?" I said, "Dad I have to abide by the Fair Housing Laws." Dad replies, "Do you know who he is?" I shook my head. Dad said, "Jessica, I put him in prison...not jail... prison 3 times and he has "So and So"'s (another officer dad used to work with) bullet in him." I hung my head, took a deep breath and said, " Oh....my bust. I didn't know." He said, " Well now you do. We need to get him out of there."
You can't make this shit up. So luckily "Tenant Smoothy" hasn't paid his rent so I can evict him. I will let you know how that goes.
The weather for the past 2 weeks have been beautiful here in Richmond, Kentucky. Plants are starting to sprout from the ground, trees are budding, birds are singing, drug dealing down on Turpin is booming. This also means that I am either calling the police or running around like a headless chicken.
Last week, which was the first of the month, I decided that I was tired of chasing down everyone for their rent. I opened a PO Box at our local UPS store so my tenants could just drop their rent off at a central location. This required me to make a flyer, explaining in great detail where, what, how, and why they need to use this box. The second step in this endeavour required me to take the flyer's and deliver them to each and every tenant on the street and answer any questions about this new procedure. While passing out said flyers all hell broke loose.
As I approached one of my buildings, I noticed a black car that was involved in an incident the week before. That incident is sooo recockulous, (because it goes beyond ridiculous) that it absolutely does not deserve to be retold. I walked up the rusty metal stairs of one of the buildings and knocked on the door of "Tenant Smoothy". The door flies open and this guy, who was not the tenant, just stares at me. I cleared my throat and explained to the gentleman who I was and that he needed to give this flyer to "Tenant Smoothy". He snatched the flyer out of my hand and slammed the door in my face. I thought...yep, here we go. Since I didn't recognize the very welcoming and warm gentleman, I decided to go down to the apartment below and ask that tenant if he knew who the other guy was. The tenant that I was asking this information has lived on the street for 12 years and knows everybody and everything. I like to call him the "The Wiki of Turpin Dr." I step into "Wiki"'s apartment for the information exchange. He had never seen that guy before. That started to worry me a bit. All of the sudden "Wiki"'s ceiling starts rumbling, the fixtures begin to shake, screaming and yelling can be heard from the apartment above. I peeked my head out of the door and looked at the balcony above. I couldn't see anything but there was a hellacious fight going on. I immediately grabbed my phone and called the good ole Police. The dispatcher asks me how many people are there and I reply, "I am assuming more than one." She then asks me if they are armed. I reply, "I am sorry, I didn't have a chance to ask them nor do I plan to. All I know is that its a big fight, probably over drugs and it would be wise for you all to get down here before someone gets shot." She tells me they will send a unit. Now I know what you are thinking, "Damn...did you have to be such a smart ass to the police?" Let me explain...if its on Turpin...they don't take it seriously. Therefore, my attitude towards the police department.
Well hell, "Tenant Smoothy" pulls up and gets out of a car. He looks upstairs, then looks at me. I yell, "WTF is goin on?" He replies, "I don't know," and takes off running up the stairs. A few minutes pass and 4 cruisers pull up. Now at this point, "Wiki" and I are giggling like 2 little kids. Two of the officers go up to the apartment where the altercation was taking place and two stayed down on the ground. I recognized one of the police officers as one who had worked with my dad before he retired from the PD. He looked at me and gave me that "Whasup" head nod. I just smiled back.
One of the younger cops, who I will call, "Officer Needstogetagrip", comes down from the apartment upstairs with the flyer snatcher, door slammer. That guy has a huge whelp on the side of his head and his chin was split. I glanced over to "Wiki" and said "DAMN." "Wiki" giggled and replied, "HA HA HA asshole got his ass whooped." The officers proceeded to do the field sobriety test. Then, "Officer Needstogetagrip" comes over to me and asks if I saw who "whooped him". I stated to the officer that I didn't see the fight...that I heard it. Then one of the kids playing in the street yells, "THERE IS SOMEONE CLIMBIN OUT OF THE WINDOW!!!" So the cops take off behind the building. I peek my head around the corner and see this black gentlemen, pants hanging down, boxers exposed, running like he was qualifying for the Drug Running Olympics. The cops are running around like Keystone Cops. Needless to say...they didn't catch him.
Then this crazy woman, who likes to stand out on the street and preach, and also calls me the right hand of Satan because I house these people, pulls up and gets out of her car and walks over to the insanity. I am thinking, "Oh this is perfect". She starts yelling some sort of religious crap and yelling at "Tenant Smoothy". Apparently crazy woman is "Tenant Smoothy's" baby's momma and heard on her police scanner that the police were at his house. She decided to come check it out.
I yelled at her to get in her car and go home. She turns around and yells, "GOD BLESS YA." Over and over as she gets in her car and leaves. "Officer Needstogetagrip" totally ignores me when I try to tell him that the black car, that was involved in the incident a week before was around right before they pulled up. So I decided to tell the older officer, the one that used to work with dad, about it.
So the crowd that has gathered stated to disperse. I walked across the street to continue handing out my flyers. A couple of the officers were still around. "Officer Needstogetagrip" approached me and said, "You need to get into your fucking car and leave." I was taken back a bit and replied, "Excuse me?" He said, "You are wandering around here meddling in every ones business and you need to leave." Well that got my blood boiling. I looked at him dead in the eye and said, "Listen, I am the fucking Property Manager. It is my business to meddle in other peoples business." Then the older officer tells him to back off.
Now I had to tell you that story to tell you this one.
"Tenant Smoothy" assured me that he dropped off his rent at the UPS store. Well my husband happens to work there as his second job. I called my husband and he tells me that no one has dropped anything off in the past 2 days. So "Tenant Smoothy" is lying to me. I decided that I need to confront him. I drove down to the properties and saw 4 cars and 5 or 6 people, including "Tenant Smoothy" standing around. I then witnessed 2 cars pull up and little white baggies and money exchange hands. So I called the police. They drove by and then kept driving. They didn't stop. Well I am not a complete idiot and I am pretty sure that I am not bulletproof. I decided that I will call my dad and ask him to come with me to confront this guy. He said that he would meet me down there. Dad pulls up and I hopped into his truck and we proceeded to head down the street. Dad asks me, "Now who is the guy that we need to confront?" All I got out was "Tenant Smoothy"'s first name and dad completed the last name. He stopped the truck and looked over at me and said, "Jessica why in the hell did you rent to him?" I said, "Dad I have to abide by the Fair Housing Laws." Dad replies, "Do you know who he is?" I shook my head. Dad said, "Jessica, I put him in prison...not jail... prison 3 times and he has "So and So"'s (another officer dad used to work with) bullet in him." I hung my head, took a deep breath and said, " Oh....my bust. I didn't know." He said, " Well now you do. We need to get him out of there."
You can't make this shit up. So luckily "Tenant Smoothy" hasn't paid his rent so I can evict him. I will let you know how that goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)